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Fun
Aardvark Jokes (» 5
jokes)
• What
is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks!
» Fun
Accountant Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• An
accountant visited the Natural History museum.
While standing near the dinosaur he said to
his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion
years and ten months old"."Where did
you get this exact information?" "I
was here ten months ago, and the guide told
me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.
» Fun
Aviation Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A
few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking,
hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately
falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little
airsick, but he''s afraid to wakethe big guy up to ask
if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can''tclimb
over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking
at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.Suddenly,
the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave
ofnausea passes through the little guy. He can''t hold
it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy''s
chest.About five minutes later the big guy wakes up,
looks down, and sees thevomit all over him."So,"
says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
» Fun
Bar Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• 'A
drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests.
He runs up to them and says, ''''I''m Jesus Christ.''''
The first priest says, ''''No, son, I''m Jesus Christ.''''
So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second
priest replies, ''''No, son, I''m Jesus Christ.''''
The drunk says, ''''Look, I can prove it.'''' and walks
back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes
on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''''Jesus Christ,
you''re here again?''''
»
Fun Beauty Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• 'My
Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that
is why she always looks so sour.'
» Fun
Birthday Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
man asked his wife, "What would you most like for
your birthday?"She said, "I''d love to be
ten again."On the morning of her birthday, he got
her up bright and early and they went to a theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide,
The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on
every ride there was.She staggered out of the theme
park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach
turning.Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and
sweets.At last she staggered home with her husband and
collapsed into bed.Her husband leaned over and asked,
"Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"One
eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I
meant dress size!"
» Fun
Blonde Jokes (»
7 jokes)
• Q:
Why couldn 't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A:
Because she didn 't know which one came first!
» Fun
Book Title Jokes
(» 5
jokes )
• How
to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts
» Fun
Christmas Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• What
do monkeys sing at Christmas ?Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..
!
» Fun
Clean Jokes (»
4 jokes)
• A
blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why
she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me
that i've got mail".
» Fun
Computer Jokes
(» 18
jokes)
• If
Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...Oh,
wait a minute, he already does.
» Fun
Dentist Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
dentist, after completing work on a patient,
came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help
me? Could you give out a few of your loudest,
most painful screams?Patient: Why? Docor, it
wasn''t all that bad this time.Dentist: There
are so many people in the waiting room right
now, and I don''t want to miss the four o''clock
ball game.
» Fun
Doctor Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• A
doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast."You
aren''t so good in bed either!" he shouted and
stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided he''d
better make amends and phoned home. After many rings,
his wife picked up the phone."What took you so
long to answer?""I was in bed.""What
were you doing in bed this late?""Getting
a second opinion."
» Fun
Easter Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• What
is the Easter Bunny''s favourite state capital? Albunny,
New York!
» Fun
Fishing Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• Bob
is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck,
not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave,
when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him,
and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his
hook in the water. Bob can''t believe it, he yells over
" whats your secret?" "woogatkakeptewrwm"
he answers back. "what did you say?" replies
Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice
and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms
warm".
» Fun
Food Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• What
did the salt say to the pepper?A. Hey Baby, what''s
SHAKING!
» Fun
Ghost Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• How
did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing
in television spooktaculars.
» Fun
Halloween Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• What
do witches eat at Halloween? Spook-etti, Halloweenies,
Devil''s food cake and Boo-berry pie.
» Fun
Bald Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• A
man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber
is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting
a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the
thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between
your cheek and gum." The client places the ball
in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest
shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes
the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if
I swallow it?" "No problem," says the
barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone
else does."
» Fun
Heaven & Hell Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and
asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions."Sure,"
GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK,"
the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"GOD
says, "So you would like them." "OK,"
the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The
man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did
you make them such airheads?" GOD says, "So
they would love you!"
» Fun
Hunting Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• An
avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually
walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find,
he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He
decided to try to break the news to a friend of his,
the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with
anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited
him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited
by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired,
and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the
water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked
across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting
more than his paws wet. This continued all day long;
each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface
of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully,
saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the
drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you
notice anything unusual about my new dog?""I
sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can''t
swim."
» Fun
Idiot Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Two
Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying
tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down
their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike.
"We''ll throw you down, and then you can pick up
the ladder." "What, do you think I''m stupid?
I have an idea. I''ll shine my flashlight, and you can
climb down on the beam of light." "What, do
you think I''m stupid? You''ll just turn off the flashlight
when I''m halfway there."
» Fun
Judge Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• The
cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the
dock and said to the first one, "So how do you
plead?""Not guilty" said the second defendant."I
wasn''t talking to you" the judge replied."I
never said a word" the third defendant replied.
» Fun
King Kong Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• After
being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice
to bring his wife a little gift."How about some
perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.She showed
him a bottle costing $50.00."That''s a bit much,"
said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for
$30.00."That''s still quite a bit," Tim complained.Growing
annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle."What
I mean," said Tim, "is I''d like to see something
really cheap."The clerk handed him a mirror.
» Fun
Knock Knock Jokes
(» 7
jokes)
• knock
knock
who's there?
interupting cow
interupting c...*MOOOOOOO!!!*
» Fun
Lawyer Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• A
lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which
side is it best to lie on?" she asked."The
side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.
» Fun
Marriage Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find
his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.''What''s
up?'' he says.''I''m having a heart attack,'' cries
the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but
just as he''s dialling. his four-year-old son comes
up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted''s hiding in your
wardrobe and he''s got no clothes on!''The guy slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom,
past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.Sure
enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering
on the wardrobe floor.''You jerk,'' yells the husband,
''my wife''s having a heart attack and you''re running
around with no clothes on scaring the kids!''
» Fun
Men Jokes (»
7 jokes)
• Men and blondes
Why do men prefer blondes? Men always
like intellectual company.
» Fun
Money Jokes (»
7 jokes)
• A
man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised
thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid
that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
» Fun
Monster Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• What
brings the monster''s babies? The Frankenstork.
» Fun
Movie & TV Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton.
His partner arrives in a great state of excitement.
"How''d the meeting go?" asks the first guy."It
went great," says his buddy. "Tarentino will
write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star
for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for
under fifty million.""Fabulous," says
the guy by the pool."There''s just one catch,"
his partner warns."What''s the catch?""We
have to put up ten thousand in cash".
» Fun
Music Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Q:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?A:
A flat minor.
» Fun
Old Age Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• Q:
Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?A:
She wanted to rock and roll
» Fun
One Liner Jokes
(» 32
jokes)
• If
you lend someone $20, and never see that person again;
it was probably worth it.
» Fun
Parent Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Murphy
said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven
o''clock." She said, "But Father, I''m no
longer a child!" He said, "I know, that''s
why I want you home by eleven."
» Fun
Practical Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• My
undergraduate advisor told me that when he was an undergrad
at MIT, he and his floormates performed this trick on
a particularly obnoxious guy who lived there. The guy
would regularly go down to the power box and kill everyone's
power, just for jollies. Well, they papered his room
one day, and when he opened the door, he calmly lit
a match, threw it in, and left. The building did not
burn down but the student was ejected. He had been failing
out anyway.
» Fun
Salesmen Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When
he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared."I
will grant you three wishes," announced the genie.
"But since Satan still hates me, for every wish
you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."The
salesman thought about this for a while. "For my
first wish, I would like ten million dollars,"
he announced.Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank
account number and assured the man that $10,000,000
had been deposited. "But your rival has just received
$20,000,000," the genie said."I''ve always
wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.Instantly
a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received
two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is
your last wish?""Well," said the salesman,
"I''ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."
» Fun
Sport Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Where
do religious school children practice sports?In the
prayground!
» Fun
Spelling Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• "Please,
ma''am! How do you spell ichael?" The teacher was
rather bewildered. "Don''t you mean Michael?"
she asked. "No, ma''am. I''ve written the ''M''
already."
» Fun
Time Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• A
blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told
her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on
her face replied,"You know, it''s the weirdest
thing, I have been asking that question all day, and
each time I get a different answer."
» Fun
Travel & Tourist Jokes
(» 5
jokes)
• A
man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town
he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:"I
would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is
well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing
to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said,
"I''ve been operating this hotel for many years.
In all that time, I''ve never had a dog steal towels,
bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I''ve
never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night
for being drunk and disorderly. And I''ve never had
a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog
is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch
for you, you''re welcome to stay here, too."
» Fun
Waiter Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Diner:
Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!Waiter: Don''t worry,
Sir, it''s not that hot!
» Fun
Women Jokes (»
5 jokes)
• Why
do women have smaller feet than men? - It allows them
to stand closer to the sink.
» Fun
Yo Mama Jokes
(» 22
jokes)
• Why
do women have smaller feet than men? - It allows them
to stand closer to the sink. |
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